The Management Style of the Supreme Beings by Tom Holt

Author:Tom Holt
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction / Fantasy / Humorous, Fiction / Fantasy / Contemporary, Fiction / Humorous, Fiction / Fantasy / Urban
Publisher: Orbit
Published: 2017-06-20T04:00:00+00:00

27

“So this is Hell,” Jersey said, looking round. “You know, it’s not quite what I …” They found a table, and almost immediately a waitress came and took their order. “Just a coffee,” Jersey said cautiously. “No milk or sugar. And no little cinnamon biscuit, either.”

That made Bernie smile. “The other side of that door over there,” he said, “you’d have made a wise choice. This side you can eat as much as you like and still leave. And they do fantastic cookies.”

So they ordered some Sicilian biscotti and snickerdoodles. “I like these,” Lucy said. “What are they called?”

“Ossi dei morti,” Bernie said. “It’s Italian for—”

“Yes, quite. Those ones look nice too. Why don’t I try one of them.”

“This isn’t Hell,” Jersey said a bit later with his mouth full. “So where is it?”

Bernie made a vague gesture. “Well, it’s not Topside. Sorry, that’s our name for where you guys live. But it’s not Flipside either.” He lowered his voice slightly. “The thing is, when the old management signed the deal with the Venturis and we got kind of parcelled off as a separate entity, they marked out our designated turf on a plan with a thick red felt-tip pen. This space here is the thickness of the pen nib; neither one place nor the other. Which is handy,” he added. “No-man’s-land. More precisely, no-deity’s-land. Doesn’t actually belong to anyone, see. The guys with the franchise on this place don’t pay rent; they just turned up here one day with a stove and two dozen plastic chairs, and now look at it. Reminds me a bit of those flowers that grow in cracks in the pavement.”

Lucy was looking at the menu. “Actually, I fancy something a bit more substantial. What’s the Thai green curry like?”

“Slightly too much chilli. Anyhow, it suits us, because there are … well, certain things we’re not strictly speaking allowed to do under the terms of the charter, but we do them here and nobody can hassle us. Also, if you look over there, at that table in the corner … where those two big Asian guys are sitting?”

Jersey stole a glance over Bernie’s shoulder. “Got you. What about it?”

“That’s the new registered office of the Bank of the Dead. The man in the blue’s Jackie Dao.”

“Why’s he playing the harp?”

“That’s an abacus,” Bernie explained. “He runs the whole of the bank’s operations from that table. Amazing. The biggest financial institution this side of the Lesser Magellanic Cloud, and he does it all with a primitive adding machine and a piece of paper.”

“I think I’ll have the lemon sole,” Lucy said.

Jersey’s eyes were very wide. “So this place—”

“Doesn’t legally exist,” Bernie said “which means you’re safe here, for as long as you can bear it and your money holds out. Though you could always talk to Jackie Dao about an overdraft. He’s very approachable.”

“The Venturis can’t get at us here?”

Bernie grinned. “I’m not sure they’ve figured that out yet,” he said, “but no, they can’t.”

Jersey frowned. “Best to make sure, though.

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